I have this friend that shines every time I see her. Her face is radiant and she’s always the picture of smart choices and squeaky clean health. She’s not a tall svelte blonde, she’s a short brunette  with curly hair who sparkles, has vibrant energy, eats her vegetables and makes sure to get out into the fresh air and run the country side. She loves it too.

When it comes down to it, we have a choice. We can do those things that feel good in the moment and wake up ugly the next day, or we can do those things that we can, over time, learn to love that will keep us shinning at any age.  

Usually I’m up before my dogs, but Saturday mornings I attempt to pull the covers over my head and sleep.  Brinkley and Gracie have other ideas.  They play this game you might be familiar with,  ”King of the Mountain”…well, I’m the mountain. The girls vi to jump to the top and topple the other off of my sleeping body. I become a human trampoline.   I coax Gracie to snuggle with me under the covers (I’ll bet it’s 30 degrees in my room) and find that it’s just one of her ploys….alas, I discover a dirty, stinky, green tennis ball has been nuzzled under my arm pit.   I toss the ball across the room, they leap from the bed, I pull the covers over my head.   Have you ever heard of the game “gopher in the hole?”…. probably not, it’s the game my dogs play when I cover my head with the blankets.   They win….every time…..Ya gota lovum!!!

To some this may be an irritant, but for me I’m reminded of how much I enjoyed my boys Aaron and Nathan being silly and playing on the bed. I’m reminded of how I enjoyed the mornings when they bothered me for a glass of water or the need for a good cuddle.   Silly antics lighten my day. I prayed for joy, expecting something else and realizing that I’m surrounded by it every day of my life.

What is your perfect standard? Straight lines, no mess, the picture of health, svelte, no coffee cups and candy wrappers thrown in the back seat of the car and an ever present smile on your face?

I’m thinking I need a life satisfaction adjustment. There’s something driving me and I think it’s this perfect thing, like I can finally achieve it and when I get there life will finally be great.

I’ve always mused about the forest and thought, maybe the forest is more like God’s standard of perfect. I mean, look it…dirt, dead leaves all over and decaying…trees in all shapes and sizes, some even dead for years laying on their side decaying with carpets of leaves on the earth floor. Although in appearance it’s disorganized it “serves.”

Piles of messy dead leave feed the soil, which feed the trees. Dead trees serve as shelter and provide food for creature and bug.   The green thriving life  filter and produce the  air we breath .

Maybe I’ve got this perfection thing wrong. Maybe I’ll never have perfect hair, or the best body or a clean floor. Maybe the perfect standard should be  about service.  And maybe I already have a perfect life  if I just allow the great Gardner of the forest to work with me and tend to me.   Maybe if I’m willing to let Him do His stuff in my life, I can relax and trust and enjoy what is….right now…PERFECT!

I love my red dahlias in the fall when the change of season is just around the corner, when they spread their color and  droop with the weight of the first heavy rain.  

I love how I have stories in my head, blog posts, philosophical thoughts ripe with hope and meaning and depth.

I love it when i surprise myself and succeed

I love pandora radio, music playing in the background all day long, Judy Collins enhancing mood and putting spice to memory.

I love friends who can connect in heart and head. Those who can be honest even when it hurts.

I love my sister and my sons, my nephew and my dogs.

I love Lisa who loves Aaron

I love waking up early in the morning because I know I have “white space,”  time to breath, walk slow and watch the creation open up like time lapse photography, a full and beautiful day unfolding in full before me.

I love a beer in the evening, Stella  or Pale Ale.

I love to see the sun go down on a Friday night, to know it’s time to rest and praise that there is hope in what seems to be a sad world.

I love popcorn and figs and Mocking Birds.  I love real mail from friends. I love cool screen savers and knitting a sweater which takes a long time.  I love to find a book that inspires me and people who can learn and admit when they’re wrong and who realize that it’s OK not to be perfect.

These some things that I love.  What do you love?

I’ve lost dear friends, people so kind and wonderful and helpful.   And have family members who have faced one plight after the next, so undeserving of wrong treatment.  It’s hard sometimes to make sense of things.

This morning I thought of those who are going through tough times later in life.  How scary it is when we’re in our 50′s or 60′s and beyond when we face financial disaster.   We look ahead and say “what will happen to me?”

Sometimes it helps to remember others who have suffer before us and somehow pulled through.  I was led to grandma Bold’s life.  She had my mother when she was close to 50 and then in her late 50′s she and grandpa and 5 kids lost everything and had to pack up the car and move to California, bag and baggage.   The family pulled together and made the best of it.  Things worked out.   They sold pots and pans, worked for the Whirlpool Store, selling washing machines and appliances, canned their own food, fed their family and even bought a house, all this when they were in their 50′s and 60′s.   Things worked out.  Perhaps it was luck, or maybe something in their character which kept them plodding on, even with menial jobs.

One never knows how our current sufferings will one day help others.   It could be a decision we make, or a habit we have or something we endured for a long time that will pull someone out of tough times or hopelessness, just knowing that it can be done and that it’s possible.  Grandma Bold probably never knew that her story would one day help me  in a moment of discouragement and  hopelessness.   Not that she went through all this for me or my family, but her strength, character and experience makes me know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.  

Saturday mornings I rise early, sometimes with the sun, pack the dogs up in my car and take off for the beach.  I walk the shores, laying life’s problems on the  power which created this amazing ocean.  I ponder my days already passed while my worries  rise and fall with the crashing waves.  I wonder what will happen  to my  loved ones who suffer from disappointment and trial and  I feel lost to solve their plight. I’m lost for words, lost for grand solutions, lost to know what my role is and  feel so powerless.    

Today there were grand waves;  so amazingly perfect, so amazingly large an inspiring example of power in motion.   Brinkley loves to ride the waves. She’s my “surfer dog”.   She leaps breast forward and hits the breaking swell head on.   She positions herself perfectly in rhythm with the swell and she fluidly rides to the shore.  

At times, with the oceans unpredictably, Brinkley’s overtaken by a giant frothy swell.  For a moment, she’s gone, enveloped by turbulent foam.   It takes my breath away, but then I look again and I see this nose torpedo straight up for air.  There she is, knowing that the most important thing is to dog paddle and “breath.”

Have you been knocked over by an unexpected swell, or storm?  Sometimes all we can do is rid the wave, tumble ,  dog paddle and keep our nose high.   We have to be like Brinkley who instinctively knows what to do. Trust the shore will soon be beneath your feet,  keep treading water and keep that nose up and ….

B R E A T H!  

I’m finding out that life doesn’t have to be so complicated. I’ve dieted for almost 40 years now. I guess  mom always thought I should be thinner. First it was Weight Watchers with Bean Sprout Spaghetti, Lettuce roll-ups instead of sandwiches and  then on to Adkin’s and Scarsdale, “Fit-for -Life”, Fat Flush, the Blood Type, South Beach and on and on. So many, it’s beyond counting. 

With each one, I further boxed myself in, convincing myself  I’d found  ”the Way!”  Years later having gained and lost 100′s of pounds, I’m left with a rigid belief system that is impossible to follow.  Beliefs like only spinach and salmon are good for  you (and of course the “experts” have wrecked Salmon now.  If it’s farm raised it’s toxic, which now leaves me with Spinach  and I don’t like it).  

I’ve  found myself recently going to another Health Practitioner who gave me, once again, another solution: twenty-one days on an herbal/rice based drink.  Absolutely discouraged following diligently, I gained about 5 #’s, and experienced horrible GERD (Acid Reflux)

I called a wise friend for help.  I was utterly amazed at what she said, “Carol, be easier on yourself.  Take the next 5 days and just eat moderately.   Eat anything you want.” Wow, what freedom!!  The key was “moderate” and the question came: “What is moderate?”  

I found myself remembering my Grandmother Bold who lived to 101.  She was always last at the table.  She had a practice of chewing her food.  She ate a pleasant basic diet and now and then had a cookie (one) or a piece of cake. She worked hard all day and had a stable demeanor.  She was a plodder.  What came to me when I asked my question was “chew your food Carol!”  

For the last three days I’ve chosen foods that I wanted, rather than from a “should” perspective.  I committed to chew what ever I ate 100 times.  (well, I don’t think I could get beyond 30 times, but I’m amazed at the results)  

Here’s the results I’ve gotten in just 3 days:  1.  I got to eat what I want  2.  I eat 1/2 as much because I’m eating slower and get full faster  3. My GERD is GONE!!   4. I drastically reduced the need to take enzymes capsules because saliva is rich in them.

So here’s other benefits of chewing your food.  You  can enjoy the food you’re eating because your eating what you really want rather than from your list of “shoulds”.  You can enjoy the person you’re talking to. You’re digestion improves. You eat 1/2 as much, thereby saving 1/2 on your grocery bill and you may not need to buy those enzymes at $28 a bottle.  

Ah yes, simplicity. All because I simply chew my food!!

I seldom have moments like these because every minute is full.  Are yours?

Before we had iPods, Podcasts, Satellite TV (piping in every form of nothing), video games, news blasting on the radio about everything sad, everything bad.  We used to have moments to listen to that “still small voice” inside, but  now it’s crowded out.

We’re even convinced this is all good. “I’m staying informed, up to date with all the latest.” But when is enough, enough?  We can’t sleep, our digestion is all messed up. We don’t have time for our families, and when we finally sit at a table for dinner we’re distracted with blackberry messages and “texting”. We’ve forgotten the blessing on the other side of the table….a person!

I’m going to make more moments like I had last night. How about you?

And then there’s my mom’s old blue wool sweater.  Through wearing and washing, it’s shrunk to the size a 15-year-old should wear.  It’s worn, ugly and too short, but when I put it on, I feel a sense of peace.

Today I walked on the beach, thinking of my family and their troubles and wanting to somehow fix them, especially  my sister who has gone through so many troubles.  My thoughts were calmed by the waves and the sun and the carefree playfulness of my dogs.  I came home with a sense of peace and I’m comforted.  

Sometimes we have big problems, to big for us to solve and it’s the small things we have and do that bring us back to what’s really important.  I’m taken to a scripture that reminds me where those big problems are solved.

 “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?  Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Matthew 6:25-28

We have no guarantees that our country and our world will  always be at peace, that we’ll always be able to live the lives we lived, but if our world inside has peace then we carry that with us into what ever place we live.  

What’s left to give? Our lives are crowded, our days filled with tsunami’s  and our thoughts rapid fire, “fix this”, “do that”, “call him/her” and so on. We’re burned out, stimulated with a million new solutions books and  the how-to-do’s in managing this new world of challenges and obligations. 

“Why not  attack  problems head on?” But what if they’re coming from the front, the side, behind above and below?  The fact is we can’t control all these problems and our thoughts trick us into thinking we can. We spin round and round;  day, evening and night.  It’s bigger than we can manage by ourselves and we need help.  

This morning I woke,  my mind in a spin and I was weary of strategies and re-workings and  solutions.  Early, a still small voice urged me, “get up, put on your hat and shoes and take the dogs to the beach”; no makeup, no coffee,  two dogs and a tennis ball.  I’m home now, with a refreshing perspective.

It’s so easy to get caught up in our own greatness, like we can control it all.  We forget about simplicity, that a walk on the beach, listening to the rhythm of waves and wind or the seagulls call could ground life’s perspective.  

Solutions to our problems comes through a bigger greatness than ourselves, a powerful force that knows what is best. Sometimes that greatness comes through a “still small voice ” which urges us to do something which may seem to be retreating or  running away. It says “listen” instead of speak, “breath in salt air”,  ”stop and hear the song of a bird,” “walk!”, “play ,” or “dig in the dirt and plant!”  

So many of our problems solve themselves. From my  years on earth I should know by now  that I’m not so great  and powerful that I can fix all this.  I’m not so smart that I can enlighten the world with my perfect solutions.  

I’m comforted when I stop and ask for help that there is a power greater than me that I can depend on.  There is a solution which comes from a request from a prayer. Just ask and then listen.  You’ll be amazed at how simple the answer can be.  Perhaps a warm bath, or a fire and soft music, maybe laughter with sushi and family or friends.  

After a rough week, I’m ready to rest. My sweet dogs are resting in comfort by a warm fire, I’ve had my coffee and am ready for a bath and soft music.  I’m resting the cares of my life on that Power greater than me and I will wait for the direction from that “still small voice” that comforts me.